Pearls of Price

Once Again

2012-02-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

I got another comment that says that Missy has the classical features of FAS.

Of course, we can't know for sure 100%.

However, I have talked to doctors about these comments and they shake their heads...

SHE does have cranial facial anomalies. THIS is true. She has cleft palate and cleft lip and a host of other differences due to her growing and parts of bone structure not growing to keep up. She has a lot more surgery in her future.

Unless a person completely understands these anomalies and the whys and wherefores like the surgeon does they shouldn't assume it's FAS.

I have taken a course in FAS. It was very interesting. They were extremely strong on the point that you cannot, cannot, cannot diagnose FAS on looks alone.

Oh, anonymous, anonymous.... !

Implied

2012-02-12T10:18:00.000-08:00

There's been a little discussion at a couple of blogs about what manipulation in these hurt kids looks like. To the unaccustomed onlooker it appears petty, but when you add up all the little angles multiplied by the sheer volume of the incidences you soon realize there is nothing petty about it at all. Everything is well calculated. So long as these children are allowed to work their little strategies progress in healing can't happen because they remain independent and rely heavily on manipulation to get what they want as well as to feel safe. It's their comfort zone.

I'm sure I hardly need to point out the spiritual lessons seen in this... I guess you could say we are all at least a little bit manipulative in seeking to get our way with God and man. We have a great desire to be independent when our only salvation is in dependence on Christ.

Anyway, back to what manipulation looks like....

One of the things we see a lot here that one might not even notice on casual observation is they make statements that imply what they want but they won't come out and ask for it. Missy, in particular will go to great lengths to avoid asking.

I require direct communication. I don't want to promote beating around the bush and them thinking people will jump to their whim at a mere suggestion.

For instance this morning instead of asking for breakfast Missy stood by saying, "I did all my jobs".

I told her that was great.

She tried again, "I washed my hands".

I acknowledged that that was good.

She made several attempts in that direction. Vanessa and I were sitting across from each other with knowing smiles and we sort of discussed what was happening over Missy's head with use of sign and ambiguous words. Vanessa wavered and signed to the effect, "Maybe she isn't that smart."

I laughed. "You can bet your boots she knows exactly what she is doing."

Missy drew nearer. "I'm hungry."

"Really? So am I!!" and then to try and lighten the exchange I said, "Glad to meet you, hungry." She smiled.

She got even closer and pushed up against my shoulder. "I'm hungry!!!"

"I know, you told me. I am quite hungry myself, but what are you going to do about it?" (This probably wasn't the best thing to ask. I've gone and given her a clue of my expectations, and I'm prompting her to ask. She might then believe her words are having their intended effect and she's reeling me in?)

"Sit at the table?"

I looked at Vanessa and said, "It's amazing, isn't it? She'd rather hold off from what she needs and play this game."

I turned to Missy, "We know what is going on, sweety." (I messed up when I asked her what she was going to do about it, so I might as well be up front with her.)

She stands back and visibly weighs the matter. With great effort she finally pushes herself to ask, "Please, may I have something to eat?"

"Why of course, kiddo. Coming right up! I'm so glad you asked."

It's hard to be super consistent to respond just right. I miss the clues sometimes. Sometimes I push against the grain a little too hard.

There was a time I thought maybe I was being too hard and expecting too much, but do I really think it's fair that they will believe that we can read their minds? That speaking in clues and riddles is the way to go? If they can avoid direct conversation in little things, could they think that it's okay in the realm of repentance and apology, in the world of feelings and love. Could they live on the outside edge of reality always? We know it doesn't really work well in the real world. I was encouraged that this isn't right in a few books I read, too.

It's sister to the manipulation we encounter often that says, "I don't know anything." James saw me take the cleaner out of the cupboard, but when I asked him to put it back for me, he went on a wild goose chase asking question after question, "Does it go downstairs on the dryer?" "Does it go in the hall closet?" etc.... all the while avoiding the cupboard he saw me take it out of. Avoiding truth. Avoiding reality.

Break Through

2012-02-11T14:43:00.000-08:00

Finally got through to James. He balked me once too many times and I took him to task... I worked long and hard, hard, hard... No matter that we were trying to prepare for company for supper.... I refused to give up the battle. He was refusing to say a certain word and that seems like no biggie, except that it was his stronghold against me in disrespect and I couldn't allow it. This kind of thing is born of his dishonesty and his refusal to acknowledge his wrong.... I would not let it go and we were in confrontation, which normally is not helpful (to say the least - he usually digs in deeper, which he did, but I hung in there). Finally he was to the point where I could pray with him. I had him repeat after me and we begged the Lord to honor His promise that He would hear and deliver the cry of a poor boy in deep trouble. (Ps 34: 4, 6) By the time we were done praying he was sobbing in repentance. Each time I have asked him to do anything or communicated with him since I first bring him back to prayer and his commitment to be a Daniel or a Joseph. He was actually quite pleasant to be with and is allowing me to hug him, again.

Missy just decided to be happy without a battle. An answered prayer, no doubt about it. She and I stayed home from church again, much to her great sorrow... but she's still a snotty mess and I dealing with it myself. I had her help me dress the Buddy and play with him, etc.. Next she put her doll in the high chair and cut out pictures of food and filled paper bowls with all sorts of things she cut out for her doll to eat. You may not realize how significant that is. She found something to do on her own, she was super creative about it and she stuck with it for almost an hour. That is nothing short of amazing.

It's such a gorgeous day, that I wish the rest of the family would come home and go for a walk with us, but no one will answer their phones and they took both cars. We're stuck here.

****

Okay, so, the Buddy was on his visit with his mommy and daddy and I just got a call that the driver is bringing him home. The mom and dad were a no show. I could cry for those poor kids! The buddy won't really process it, but the siblings ??!! Ack! They are 8 and 6 years old. Sweet kids.

Waiting For the Miracle of Grace

2012-02-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

I was reminded that I hadn't posted in awhile.

~ On the baby end of things.....The little Buddy is busy, busy. He's very sweet and happy and funny, but busy, busy!! He's on the cusp of walking. He's learning to eat more and drink less milk. He's now sleeping through the night. There's a lot of messes and a lot of diapers, and a lot of trying new things. There are well-baby check-ups and social worker visits (today) and family visits (also today). And a couple of trips to town to get needed clothes for him.Thankfully, he is picked up and delivered for his family visits.

~ On my end of things..... I'm sick. I fought hard and long. It took 5 days of being on the verge before my body caved. I have a head cold.

~ On the twin end of things.... Not so good to the naked eye.

Two things:

1) The twins were very sick for a whole week and I required NOTHING of them except to get well. Now that they are well, I am expecting them to be contributing members of the family. I expect them to get up and get dressed... and on down the list. It shouldn't be this hard, but TRANSITIONs are their enemies.

2) There's a new baby in the house. The twins are no longer the youngest, etc... They like the baby and all, but it's another TRANSITION. Not only that it stirs up some thinking. How they relate it to their own lives and such, I have no idea. I won't put words in their mouths or pretend to know what they are thinking. I can only hear what they are saying. Things like....

Missy, "Why him's mom not want him?"

You can tell her all you want that his mommy does want him, but she'll never understand addiction. The best I can do is tell her that his mommy and daddy are sick. The Buddy will go home when his mommy gets well.

So.... we are dealing with regression. Nothing is working right now. Anything I ask them to do is met with resistance, mind-games, pure stubbornness, pee and even some strange foolishness.

The mildest examples I can think of....

* I asked James to get me some home canned tomatoes from the fruit room. In a rare moment, he went before he could think of argument. Anyway, he likes to eat.

James: "Here's your potatoes."

Thanks but those are not potatoes. What are they?

"Hmmmmm, well, they are round and red."

Never mind, James. I'm not going there. Please, no words!

It doesn't seem like anything... except that there is no exchange where this kind of thing doesn't show up. He knows what a tomato is... we're self-styled tomato farmers. If he hasn't seen a thousand tomatoes he hasn't seen any. I don't buy that nonsense.

* We arrive at school. I pull into the spot I usually do. Look back at Missy and tell her goodbye.

She doesn't acknowledge me.

I wait.

She moves not a hair. Her eyelashes don't even flicker. Her jaw is tight and set.

I wait.

Someone else needs to pull into the drop off spot. I know she's looking for a scene. I'm not into it. I know full well she wants to be in school, but she wants to play her game more.

I pull away and head towards home. She still hasn't moved a breath. One mile from the school she adjusts her head slightly so that she is looking forward. Her pupils grow larger and larger. I say nothing. There's not a sound between us.

An eighth of a mile from home she suddenly looks stricken. "Where are you going, Mommy?"

Oh! Why, I am going home. What are you doing in here? Didn't I drop you off at school? Why didn't you get out and run to your class?

She lost that battle and she sits in the car a good ten minutes in the driveway very upset. I carry on with my day. When she comes in I set her to work, folding clothes, arranging the shoe closet, etc... She's angry.

"I'm not going to school anymore. I am not old enough."

No words, kiddo. You are mad right now. No talking.

* I try to do some learning games... I try to make it fun. It lasts 5 minutes. They are looking for battles. I just want them to learn something. We try jumping jacks, and stairs and I play tag... they cry and scream and act like I'm killing them.

I burst into tears.
It feels so hopeless.
Perhaps they are broken beyond repair.
I am the enemy.
James' teacher expresses how much he's craving hugs and how he presses in while she reads... all the while he holds me at bay. Affection is on his terms only.
I cry out my fear on the phone to Steve.
Just when you think they are doing so well...
it all slips away and you wonder that there's no lasting effect.
They are damaged... and love doesn't fix it. Family doesn't fix it.
All the HARD, HARD work you've done... the hours and hours of devoted energy doesn't change it.

Snatches of the CD playing on the stereo reaches my consciousness.

"Waiting for a miracle of Grace. . .
I believe in miracles
I believe Your Word
I can't distrust the promises of a faithful, loving Lord.....
though it's hard to see right now,
I trust that in the end
I'll find out how Your love was working while our hearts were searching....
waiting for a miracle of Grace."

"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise as some men count slackness.... He's not willing that any should perish."

And it's what I have to hold onto.
What my eyes see,
What my heart feels,
I can't trust.

It would be destructive. . .

The CD continues.

"If I'm called to suffer
and if I'm called to die
may those who bear me witness
see Jesus in my eyes."

Waiting for a miracle of Grace.

Monday

2012-02-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

Brianna was late and missed her ride with Dad to school.
Dad can't be late for work, so it fell on me to hustle her around.
We connected with the bus just in time but I was frazzled.
Christina didn't understand my instructions to get the twins ready for school while I was bus chasing....
Missy was doing okay. Slow as usual, but she was in the car first.

~Then there was JAMES!

Let's just say he'll be doing some work for me this afternoon to make up for my lost time. He was pushing buttons big time and unfortunately he succeeded. I need to regroup and get a plan before he comes home. I won't put up with that again tomorrow morning. I know it's hard to go from few expectations on account of sickness to getting back in the saddle, but we can make it harder than it needs to be for sure.

The little Buddy is very entertaining. He can really cruise on his hands and knees, and he has been learning to pull himself up to stand beside the furniture. Yesterday he started letting go of the coffee table, putting his hands in the air and cheering for himself to take the step to the couch. He's so proud when he does it without falling. He wouldn't stand on his feet to walk with me at first. He would either plop down, or lift his feet in the air. Now he knows to put one foot in front of the other when I say, "walk".

The little guy understands "no" and responds very well. He makes a little fish face when you say "kiss". He says "mmmm" when he sees food. He says "mama". That's the extent of his vocabulary.

His schedule is a mess. He's lively in the evening and tired in the morning. That said, I believe he has a mommy who really loves him and has some good parenting skills.

****

James did some work for me after school without a complaint. He realizes he took away from my time during our busiest moment of the day and he needed to help me. Missy on the other hand came home from school tired and not inclined to listen at all. The solution to that was simple. She's having a nap.

I'm not happy to find out that our private agency has their finger in this... This means they get paid for our placement even though they had nothing to do with it. Does that mean I have to deal with TWO social workers simultaneously again? I just want to work with the local one. I guess we hadn't cut ties quick enough.

We are still in the "shelter care" stage of the placement.

Baby bumped his head more times than I can count today. Learning to balance on ones feet is a pretty tough job. Gonna have to get him a helmet :-)

A New Normal (that's not really very normal)

2012-02-05T15:48:00.000-08:00

We are adjusting

~ as fast as a mommy who is not conditioned to carrying 25 lbs of wiggle worm can adjust.

truth is, my arms are aching,

and my back.

It's a good thing I have strong teenagers, 'cause I've already garnered plenty of comments regarding my posture while trying to support his weight.

Say, how did I do it when I had three babies and no teenages way back when???

Honest. I can't remember at all. I had to run into Target to get the buddy some clothes and I needed to use the restroom, but I didn't know how I could manage so I didn't ... Missy was all the help I had and I wasn't ready to trust that kind of help.

Speaking of Missy and her twin... I have had a lot of people ask me how they are accepting the newcomer. It's all very new, of course, so it's really exciting. He has fun baby toys (more toys than clothes) and he's cute and funny and interesting, so they are liking it so far. I think this is just what they needed. The focus needed a new shift.... they are far too good at garnering attention for themselves. Having a new baby of the family is quite possibly the ticket to helping them grow up a little. It's also good for them to see the nurturing steps they more than likely missed. They will learn a lot, I think. When we put his socks on, Missy puts on one and I put on the other. She would like to help and has been learning what kind of help is good help.

The lack of clothes has been challenging. Picked out a few more outfits, onesies, shoes, jacket, pants and bibs. There was one pair of shoes in all that whole store that I could get his big square feet in.

This morning was a little tough. Vanessa is gone to take care of an older couple... which left piano playing for the Sunday church to Brianna. When you have such a capable big sister opportunities to play for church and such don't come too often. She was a wreck just thinking about it, so I had to go with her and Christina - which meant the twins and the baby had to go, too. In the end I was playing the piano and she was babysitting - how does that happen?? She managed to play the first few, but then struggled with one or two and became too distraught to think clearly and I had to finish up the service. She'll get there, but we are going to have MAKE opportunities for her every week at our church and this church until she gets comfortable. It's so much easier for those who are used to it to just take over.

Christina is at Julia's birthday sledding party up in the mountains. For all that that kiddo does for me, I'm glad she didn't miss out on the fun today.

The sickness is slowly improving. Brianna did chest hydrotherapy foamentations on the twins for something like two hours while I was at the baptism last night and they both actually slept all night and didn't cough nearly so much. I hope I can send them to school tomorrow.

The buddy is doing fine. I think he's teething. Lost of slobber and some misery this morning. He was good after he got out for a walk in the stroller.

My arms hurt so bad I can't type another word. :-)

Surprise!! It's a boy.

2012-02-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

This totally floored me.

I was not in the least expecting it.

We weren't even a little prepared.

Amazing how one little phone call can change your world.

We have a baby in the house.

He's a one year old cutie with the sweetest disposition. You never saw an easier baby. His grandma carried him in sleeping and when he woke up a half hour later he was smiling. He played on my lap until bedtime. When I put him in bed he talked to himself until he went to sleep. He woke up at 8 this morning - smiling. He seemed tired around 10 and I put him in bed and he's asleep without a protest. He eats very well and drinks water like it's going out of style. He is sick with a cold and has been for the last two months.

As you know we were working on moving our license from the private agency to the local DSHS. It was that or lose the license. I felt compelled to work on it. The gal we have bee working with is super efficient and fast. I'd hand the papers in one day and the next day she was ready for the next step. I handed the papers in Friday. Monday she came out for a visit. Friday we got "the call". I still have a few papers to finish up with. Nothing major, just little stuff. I didn't think we were in a hurry. In fact, I kept thinking, "why is this going so fast?" I mean, it took us nearly 4 months to get licensed in the first place...

When we first talked about moving the license I called up the licensor for our area and asked if there was need for short term foster parents... she laughed at me, then convinced me that there was ALWAYS a need. So then when she visited on Monday I asked her how urgent the need was. She said, that this area is actually rather slow but that they have opened up their office to other cities and towns that are overwhelmed with need, so you know, anything could happen. I thought, okay. This is not urgent... so why are we hurrying, again???
As a side note, the licensor is SDA like us... working with her was like working with someone you've known all your life.

I can only believe that God had a hand in having us move the license when we did. There is a reason He moved it all so quickly. There's a reason He orchestrated this little guy's stay with us.

I received the call at about 3 or 3 thirty yesterday. I hardly knew what to say, except yes. For a fleeting second I thought I should call Steve, but knowing how hard it is to make contact with him at work and knowing he wouldn't hesitate, I said, "okay - but just know that my twins are sick with the flue. I hope they are on the mend, but I don't know that yet." I thought, you know, there is a bunch of questions I'm suppose to ask ... oh, well never mind. All I knew was it was a 1 yr old baby boy. Maybe he would be here over night, maybe he would be here a month?? Now that I know a bit more, I know he's here for awhile. The family is in our prayers as they work to put their lives back together.

I drove off to Target as fast as my chariot and Friday traffic would allow and wondered what I would need. I even messaged my sister with a "HELP" what do I need?" I purchased a few necessary items and headed home to meet the baby. I don't know why but I had the stereotypical grandparents in mind. You know, short gray hair and all the rest of it. Um, no. not THAT old. Grief stricken and grateful, she thanked us for allowing her to see our home to know that it is a good place and that he will be safe while she goes off to care for the rest of the family. They are in our "neighborhood". I can walk to their place.

The social worker happens to be a friend of ours. Her daughter has been in our choir, and they are SDA, too. Oh, and yes, she has been known to read my blog ;-) So I must mind my p's and q's .... Don't ask me anything about the little boy that I can't legally answer. *smile*

I'm at home with all three sick kids... Poor Missy is not recovering very quick. James has a hacking cough. Hoping I make it to the baptism later.

The Lord is good. His biddings are enablings....

Germ City

2012-02-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

The sun is suppose to be killing all the germs...
but me, oh my! things are not improving much around here.

LONG Week

2012-02-02T09:03:00.000-08:00

This sickness is miserable.

Vanessa's on the couch this morning.

James managed to eat breakfast and not lose it... so far.

Missy slept till 8 and is eating. I think she's fever free but certainly NOT snot free.

Christina blacked out in the shower... (yup. with the door locked and the fall was enough that I heard it upstairs in the kitchen) but she doesn't have a fever.??

Brianna, the strong, is living up to her name and nothing is slowing her down. She's been eating whole garlic cloves... strong in more than one way.

It took Steve the entire day to do the taxes. What job! But we'll really like the return. An answer to prayer, actually.

I've been blending green drinks. Steve has been dispensing herb tea.

The sun is shining. Maybe it will kill all the germs.

Feeling Fluezy

2012-02-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

Vanessa had not choice but to go to school today. Today was the day to turn in paperwork for scholarships and she had to be there. She is a bit better.

James and Missy did not act sick yesterday. Even when the low grade fever spiked to 103 Missy was kind of bouncing and wandering around as though not knowing what to do with herself. Today is another story. The twins are quiet and sleepy and not much interested in food. We'll have to take Missy to the doctor, I think. We don't go to the doctor for anything usually, and especially not for the flue, but Missy is high risk for ear infections and I can't depend on her telling me that her ears hurt. We can't hazard more damage to her hearing.

Christina and Brianna have sore throats. . .

***

Vanessa was asked if she was interested in a job grading papers at the college a few weeks ago. This week they doubled her hours. She has an unusual evening harp job lined up for this month... a chocolate festival for seniors at an assisted living and their families. She's used to playing for their mother's day or valentine banquets, but this is a little new. She has a weekend to "senior"-sit an elderly couple this month also. Along with her usual Sunday piano job, the last few weeks she has had the sermon for the Spanish church, music for Valley View, delivered a sermon for the Sunday church, etc... very busy! She just doesn't have time to be sick.

All My Sickies

2012-01-31T07:16:00.000-08:00

They're falling like dominoes....

Fever

Chills

Runny noses

Vanessa is quite sick. The twins don't act sick but they have fevers, runny noses and flushed faces.

Bri and Christina are fighting....

****
I was visiting with a social worker yesterday.
It had nothing to do with the twins, but Missy can sniff out a social worker a mile away.
She was on high alert.
She must have said it about three times, "But we're *****'s (our last name) now!!"
Yes, kiddo you are one of us now.
There's not a thing to worry about.

I don't want to lose our foster care license after all it takes to get one.
We were in danger of losing it.
We are now moving it from a private agency to the local DSHS
where I can keep it up-to-date more easily
and maybe actually use it.
The last time we did respite it was such a big deal for the other foster family to get an okay to have us watch their kid for a weekend because our license was not with the regular system.
That will all be changed very soon.

Tearful

2012-01-29T21:38:00.000-08:00

Totally unexpected.

We never saw it coming at all.

We are still scratching our heads to figure out what it was about.

Christina was cleaning and organizing the cupboard in James' room. It holds the kids art supplies and school books and can't seem to stay orderly for more than three days at a time. There's an old 13 inch TV in there. Old as in maybe 40 years old and weighs a ton for it's size. It's the only one we have. I have kept it because it is hooked up to an old vhs machine and we have couple old home movies. One is of our wedding. The other is of the girls when they were small. There's quite a few good clips of when Christina was about 2 years old on that second one.

As Christina was cleaning she popped this vhs in to pass the time. The twins were drawn in right away. They've watched it before, but it's so funny to see those big girls so little. There's a part where Steve wrestles with the girls on the floor. There's a part where he reads them a story. There's the part where we sang songs together around the piano....

And that's when the tears began to flow.

I think the simple music broke the dam that was holding back a lot of emotion. Heartbroken, sad, and maybe even a little confused at the powerful feelings... James cried his sorrow out on my shoulder.

It's so absolutely distressing that this boy of nearly 8 cannot explain why he is crying. All his thoughts are captive secrets. All we know is that watching our family interacting years ago on that small screen before he was even born triggered a lot of feelings. Maybe he doesn't understand that he wasn't born yet. He just definitely recognized that he wasn't there. He's missing from the action. Maybe he wants his dad to roughhouse with him more like he saw in the video. Maybe he wants to be little again. Maybe we'll never know.

As for Missy, she only wanted to know "when we got Christina". As in, how old was she when the social worker dropped her off at the door?

Life isn't very fair, is it?

Just Have to Say

2012-01-29T11:22:00.000-08:00

that I am very proud of how the kiddos have been handling themselves.

Yesterday was like a test.... a long enjoyable day with friends, church, fellowship, good food, fun games and a late bedtime. They did great! But what is even better is how they are doing today. After all that I sort of expected the grumpies to come out. Well, I more than sort of expected it, I planned for it. However, they are doing very well. Missy was really upset about something for a few minutes and I thought, "okay, here we go...." but she took some time to get herself together and both kids are happy.

I've been noticing a trend towards greater lengths of peace and contentment that lasts longer and longer and I'm praising the Lord for this.

I know that there will be trials.

I know that James will struggle with transitions and with putting forth his best energies when things take work. I know he will shut down on me and I will have to go through the steps to get his brain back in gear. I know he will wet his pants nearly every time he plays outside.

I know that Missy will have a melt down and possibly a tantrum when she gets anxious and the blow up may be over something insignificant. I know she will play control games sometimes... I know she will be whiny when she is tired. I know that when she is bored she is trouble.

I know that.

Being prepared and having a clear plan is key to stopping the downward spirals that are so detrimental to their mental health.

They know they are loved.
They know the boundaries.
They know they don't like being out of control.

They know they are pretty powerless to pull out of downward spin

~ and that scares them.

Frankly, when I don't have an emergency plan that works in a crisis moment it scares me.
All of us reacting and responding out of fear creates chaos.

Sometimes the plan doesn't work. Or it doesn't work anymore. And plan B must be put into place... or plan X,Y, and Z must be thought up.

Ever looking to the ONE who knows them best is crucial.
Praise is indispensable.
Refocusing the mind is vital.
Getting a plan from God is essential.

Psalm 34 encompasses all of these....

Taxes

2012-01-27T06:51:00.000-08:00

Does anyone have tips to share on doing our taxes this year?

Is claiming adoption complicated?

I am thinking we can claim that we adopted 2 special needs kids in 2011.

Should we get someone to help us with our taxes this year?

Is this going to delay our Income tax return?

Home, More Stairs

2012-01-26T07:18:00.000-08:00

We're back.

Steve and I had our immigration appointments back to back- that is one day after the other in a city a couple hours drive away. So he reserved a room in a hotel. Vanessa insisted that we leave the twins with her and she worked out the details. It was nice.

When we got to the immigration office they went ahead and did our fingerprints back to back on the same day - which made a ton more sense to me than their original plan. Alas for Steve, who was ready for the interview. They did not interview us. I, who really didn't think they were going to, breathed a sigh of relief as I didn't know all 100 facts yet.

So then, what do we do? Go home because we are done? Or go ahead with our date?

It really wasn't a hard choice.

The twins both have colds. It comes from not having sense enough to know when you are cold or wet or that your boots are filled with snow when you are sledding. I don't know when they'll start to have those kinds of feelings...

James has been doing a lot of stairs. He's learning the 4th verse of Psalms 34, if that tells you anything. What can I say? It works. We are working on self control.

This morning it was time to go out and feed the animals. He says, "But it's cold out there!"

Meaning, I don't want to go outside and feed the animals. I want to sit on the couch and do nothing. Yesterday I let him do nothing for awhile because he has a cold and literally he does NOTHING by the hour.

I look at him in surprise. "And it wasn't cold yesterday, or the day before when you went to feed the animals? Get going, boy!"

He starts running towards his coat and anger consumes him and he gets LOUD and his movements are frenetic.

I'm on my feet, "QUICK. Let's do stairs!"

Of course, that only makes him cry and holler, but he starts. I have him alternately patting his shoulders while crossing his arms as he runs up and down the stairs. He also recites his verses at the same time. All this engages his mind and he doesn't have much time to concentrate on being mad. When he can look me in the eye, smile and say his verses, I change it up and have him count by 5's. If we can switch gears pleasantly then he's done and we carry on with the day. We've been doing this a lot. The plan is to break up his focus on his feelings and to put praise in his mouth. The other idea is that I want him to have to work harder to be mad than to be happy. I want it to be so much work he would rather do what is right.

I might have a tough day ahead. He sort of thinks having a cold is excuse for his behavior. I let him rest yesterday for awhile...

I WILL Bless the LORD at ALL Times

2012-01-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul shall make her boast in the LORD,

the humble shall hear thereof and be glad.

James is working on learning Psalm 34. He has learned verse 1 and 2 so far.
The drawings help a ton!
I love that it is about praise. SO positive!

He's also working on his attitude towards his school work.

Whenever things started to go South I had him do jumping jacks today,
or stairs
and recite his verses
and count by 5s.

He had to do a lot of each today. It was tough sometimes, but I wouldn't let up until the mad was replaced with glad. I had him look me in the eye each time he got to the top of the stairs and I would smile and recite his verses for him . When he would decide it wasn't worth the work (long past when I would have thought it wasn't worth the effort if I were him, as many as 25 sets of stairs) and he would begin to smile and be sweet we would talk about what the verses mean and he would have to recite them with the proper facial expression.

We talked about what it means to be humble and contrasted that with what it means to be proud.

It made for kind of a long haul. He was really wanting to control the situation, but we brought him around again and again. He had clothes to fold in between, so it wasn't as tedious as it might have been.

He's out sledding now. And the ladybug timer is set for every thirty minutes to remind him to come in and use the facilities. :-)

He is actually more tired of his "games" than I am at the moment. When he first starts my heart pounds and I get shaky.... scrambling to put a stop to the nonsense before he gets into it, knowing where it could lead... BUT once I have a plan and I feel like things aren't beyond certain perimeters then I am fine. If things escalate beyond hope then I can pull out the "hike the mountain" card or have him go to his room so I can walk away. Otherwise, Ohhhhh boy!

Oh, and we are ending these disciplinary exercises with him saying,
"Yes, mom, Thank you for strengthening my mind and body."

lol. That was Bri's contribution to the plan. She says that's what kids have to say if there were told to do push ups as a reminder to follow the rules at Bible Camp. I think it's a great reminder to him why he's being disciplined in the first place.

Snow Is Good

2012-01-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

It's good for kids.
It keeps them exercising all day long and they sleep hard at night.
When they sleep hard at night they wake up fresh and cheery.
We're off to school with smiles all around.

Thank the Lord for SNOW!

And for the sunshine. It is wonderful!!

Foggy Brains and American Government . . .

2012-01-22T21:08:00.000-08:00

don't go together.
Or at least studying American Government/History and my foggy,
migraine head don't work together real well.
I thought the American Government was into SLOW... as in red-tape and snails pace, and all that.
Didn't we just apply for this citizenship thing two weeks ago?
I wasn't thinking I would have to be prepared for an interview by this week.

Alas, but I hate politics, government and all that tedious stuff.
The history is the only part I am fine with.

I'm suppose to care that there are 435 representatives for congress and two senators for each State if I want to become a citizen? I can hardly keep the executive branch, legislative branch, judicial branch, supreme court, congress, the cabinet and senate mapped out let alone people's names attached to their offices. Truly I'm nearing the stage of life where I have to write post-it notes with my kids names on them! Forget people I don't know.

I was one of those lucky homeschooled kids. We didn't study government. Or not at least until it caught up with me somewhere in 11th or 12th grade. I was living in Lesotho at the time and I was doing this government homeschool course. Seriously though, studying South African government during the days of the apartheid... yeah, real helpful to me - then and now.

****

It hasn't stopped snowing yet.

Sledding was on the agenda for the kids today. The big girls did their share of sledding, too. My 5 and 5 from the neighbor's house makes for one big continuous party all day. Missy could hardly drag herself into the house tonight and was asleep before you could snap your fingers twice. James took a little longer as he had some serious washing up to do. He'd soaked his snow suite through from the inside out multiple times. Sadly, I have no idea how to break of him this disgusting habit.

There is so much snow the roads are a mess. Winter has arrived.

Should We Be Investing in Art Lessons?

2012-01-21T17:34:00.001-08:00

*smile*

James' Portrait Studio

2012-01-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

That's quite an ear! Check out the teeth.

James' Snowflake

2012-01-21T17:28:00.001-08:00

James' Art

2012-01-21T17:24:00.000-08:00

I am sure you can see the resemblance...

Yes Sirreeeee!

2012-01-20T14:10:00.000-08:00

A certain little boy is learning to tell time.

He can tell you the time on the hour and the half hour....

but don't confuse him with quarter hours,

or minutes.

Not yet, anyway.

I'm thinking I know what an 8 year old boy

who knows how to tell time should get for his birthday!!!

That's going to be one big deal around here.

Shhhhhh.

I hope you all can keep a secret better than he can.

Not only is he learning to tell the time

he has patience enough to use the computer to do a couple of

online telling the time games.

And he only cried three tears when I very artfully got him away

from the computer

when I had decided he was done.

He did his math today without one trial.

He sat for 4 minutes with his hands folded and his

back straight

without blinken' an eye.

Amazing, isn't it?

I am so thankful.

Life would be perfect if Missy hadn't completely

picked up where he left off

** on the attitude issues.**

ha! ha! just kidding.

Life is good.

I only have two little children and not ten.

For that I am grateful.

(I can be grateful for that, can't I?

'cause He's only given me enough strength to deal with two.

But apparently I can only deal with one continuous bad attitude at a time.)

A New Twist on an Old Battle

2012-01-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

Missy is still making unahppy sounds in her bedroom one hour since she should have been in school.

The first couple weeks of going to school was great and new and exciting.

Now school is still great and fun and exciting, but getting ready for school and getting through the morning routine is NOT.

We're back to our morning fight.

One morning this week she was late. A lot late, because she couldn't get herself together. The next morning I put her in the car screaming and half dressed. This morning I refused to listen to the screaming. I sat in the car and waited. I'll skip middle of the story because it's about more screaming and I wouldn't let her in the car like that. We came in and I sent her to her room to cool down and I sat at the breakfast bar to eat an apple. When I couldn't swallow it I realized I was taking it all way to personally and I got up and hopped in the car and drove away to where I couldn't hear it. Poor Christina! Missy is calmed down some, though not happy. I'm afraid to speak to her yet. I don't know whether to just let her be in the quiet of her room this morning or to try and get her to the last half of her school time.

I was afraid it would be this way.

I don't know that it will make a difference, but I am going to try and figure out if there are things she can do at a different time of day. Some things are not optional. She has to get dressed. She has to brush her teeth. Maybe she can feed her rabbit later, though.

We are suppose to give thanks in everything so I have been trying.

I am thankful for the trial to sand off my rough edges.
I am thankful I have a little girl.
I am thankful that she likes school and that she is learning there.
I am thankful that God has the answer to this morning problem.

Sledding

2012-01-19T20:08:00.000-08:00

In case they hadn't had enough of the white stuff after sledding... we fed them snow cones.

Courtesy of Mathew.

Any flavor - your choice - with refills.

Nineteen kids worth of wet snow clothes.

And too much fun!

Talk about craziness.

In That Case...

2012-01-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

Please, pray for me

and Missy

today.

*SMILE*

I smile every time I think of it.

I can't help it.

A few posts back I was feeling very much like a failure

at this parenting with unconditional love thing...

and I received a comment from Anonymous.

Previously,

Anonymous and I were not friends.

I don't like not knowing who is talking to me out of the

deep, dark, foggy abyss.

Often Anonymous can say things they wouldn't say

if you knew who they were...

It's too easy to say what you think and hope nobody figures you out.

BUT

this time Anonymous was extremely helpful and kind.

Maybe they forgot to sign their name,

or maybe they forgot their name.

I loved their advice.

It was perfect.

Anonymous and I are now friends.

But I crack up every time I think of it.

In that case I'll absolutely pray for you....

In that case...

maybe I'll have to whine every day

so that you'll pray for me.

'cause I'm a struggling

human

who hasn't got it all together

quite yet,

and

my faith is wimpy and frail. . .

and I get tired,

very tired of the battle.

I know that God is Greater than all our trials

and He will ultimately save these children

from themselves,

and me

from myself,

BUT

it makes a difference when you pray for us.

Missy's had a rough morning.

Regardless, I got her to school on time.

Tricks of the Trade

2012-01-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

In dealing with recalcitrant behavior it's nice to have a bag full of tricks.

Little tricks quickly grow old and wear out, though.

They don't do anything to heal or regenerate the heart,

but they do provide ways to avoid the booby traps

the cantankerous ones might set for the wary parent,

and they help the contrary one realize they aren't in charge.

The trick pulled from the hat for today was jumping jacks.

Garbled, undecipherable speech, "forgetting", sluggishness, sudden inability to write numbers, and other various and sundry purposeful annoyances were cured with a round or two of jumping jacks.

To be sure, the first few sets caused sparks to fly,

but mad jacks don't count...
only happy jacks pass muster,

depending on how much energy one might have for mad jacks decided how
many happy jacks were required.

Sometimes a little humor goes a long ways.

Other times Mom does jumping jacks right along with the kid,

To show it can be a blast.

The point is to cause "jack" to refocus his attention...
Or it might just be to make trying to push buttons more work than it is worth because, you know, sometimes the child would like to make Mom work very, very hard to understand him, or to remind him, or to help him, or argue with him... but if she can save her breath and turn the tables on him he just might get tired first.

SNOW

2012-01-18T08:35:00.000-08:00

I think we are finally getting our winter's worth of snow today.
Buster Brown is happy about that.
He practically volunteered to do the dishes this morning,
so he must be happy.

And ahem...

Dad is home today,

sooooo, when the little gaffer had sudden paralysis of the mouth when asked to repeat his memory verse this morning (which he normally likes to do, but as he's pledged himself to noncompliance....well, you know...) and dad whispered that he had time to take him hiking today if it was needed

suddenly

all trials and tribulations vanished.

Then

he discovered it IS SNOWING!

We are planning a snow day tomorrow with invitations out to all sledding deprived children we can find. There's quite a few in these here parts!

It backfires every time I make a hard and fast rule.

Had some kids from choir thinking they could just not come to practice but still be in the program. (Like, huh????) and so I said if anybody was not at rehearsal today they were NOT going to be in the program on the 28th. Now it's snowing like a blizzard and if half the kids can't make it - what kind of program will that be???

Like I say, happens every time. Will I ever learn?

****
(Choir is Canceled. Program postponed!)

Changing the Wording...

2012-01-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all who sent encouragement and promises. I have some all alone time this morning where I am going over those promises and presenting them to God. I ask Him to honor them.

After Dad's comment about not talking of failure, I am changing all the wording of this post.

I did blow it this morning.

It's been rough.

Kiddo has tried me to the core. All that stubbornness he had towards school last week he poured into balking at one single, solitary chore I asked him to do in place of feeding the dog yesterday. He literally laid on the cold ground outside and refused to move ALL day.

He would not budge in his refusal.

Nothing. No entreaty, no patience, no kindness, no firmness, no pleading, no ultimatums would move him.

ALL day.

Steve came home at 6 and took him up the mountain for a father-son- hike -your-nasty-attitude-out exercise.

The kid ran away,

In the pitch dark on the mountain despite his fear of cougar and coyote.

He lost his way down the ridge and ended up in the orchards in the valley. He was never truly lost as far as that goes. He knows the area well and even in the dark, there are definite markers to turn you around if you miss the first few - but as far as we were concerned we lost him. What if he went the wrong way and over the steep part and hit his head or something? And, the animals are no joke, either. Flashlights are puny in the dark on this mountain.

Vanessa found him.

Steve took him up again, because since running away was wrong and scary he needed to walk with dad and come home with a new attitude.

Eventually he did.

BUT he then refused to sleep. He was practically propping his eye lids open but he would not give in.
I got on my knees beside him and tried to connect in some way. Trying to talk to him is difficult. His words have no meaning. They are a set of words that he uses in a ceaseless round of confusion. It's very difficult to get to the heart of the matter. Impossible, actually.

He uses no feeling words. It takes him a full minute to say the word "because" and then you wait a full minute for him to say "I don't want to".... "Because".... "I not obey". "Yes", "No" is used interchangeably depending how you state the question. Very frustrating when you just want to know what is going on in his head and to find out if there is anything you can do about it.

This morning he was a bear, of course.

And I had had it.

And that's when I began to steam. I probably would make a pretty mean sergeant in the army.

And suddenly, he had enough of my ordering and commanding him through his routine and he decided to sweeten up.

Just like that.

Both kids were late to school.

Lying

2012-01-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

Lying is at an all time high with Buster Brown.

At this time I can believe NOTHING he says.

He's quite convincing.

Almost.

Everyone else will believe him but me and eventually the truth shows up.

I wish I knew why. There has to be a reason.

I don't have any strategies. I haven't been doing anything about it except to let him know clearly that he isn't speaking the truth and then expecting him to do what he says he already did. I am trying not to ask him questions to give him opportunity, but that isn't easy at all. One can point blank say, "You didn't feed the dog", and he will lie from here to kingdom come that he did and that he gave her a full container, etc... Dogs can't talk, but they don't lie, either. The dog was so starving she was knocking on the door and barking for her breakfast.

This morning as I handed Buster's' coveted buttered waffles to the dog, I told him that if he couldn't feed the dog her dog food he would have to share his breakfast and only when it was super clear to him that I didn't buy his line did he admit he had never fed her. Brianna went out and fed the dog and cats. Missy hadn't fed the cats either. They are both in time-out for not doing their chores.

I'm trying to be matter-of-fact. I expect him to lie until whatever the real issue is has resolved.

If anyone has suggestions, I'm all ears.